Feelings
Waiting for your call, I've given love my all, and yet as much as I hate to, try, I'm awaiting you're call, I'm waiting for my queue to cry. Please don't take it personally, I'm sorry, but I never cared for you, please don't take it personally, I never knew you, you never knew me, so let's not take each other so seriously, and please don't take me personally.
Just leave me alone yeah, that's what you said, and it rings around in my head, I may, but then I might, jump down your mobile phone tonight, I might creep up while no one's home, oh what a sickening sight, the darkness of the night, reflected in your heart, for me, and swells with tides of your self doubting sea of insecurity, perhaps you're too smart for your own good, have you ever read the things I've never said, I really think you should.
Sweet seventeen, so young, thus far unseen, so seldom dumb, so smart, such a common work of modern art, I like the way you look, you've plenty of appeal, but where's your performing seal and sad faced clown, don't you see the circus is in town? I want you with me in my heart, I want my very own piece of modern art.
Behind this head of thin hair, lives a mind, sweet, confused and kind, see me, I'm sensitive and I'm trying as hard as I can but you won't understand, you're too blinded by your own insecurities to even notice me, and mine, mine are so very real, I feel divine, most of the time, look at me, what do you see, more than I? Listen to me, tell me what you hear, is it more than I feel? I'm still me, filled with unique insecurity.
All these thoughts I have, I'm so unsure of, all these worries I create, I'm not sure why? I'm so very self obessed but that's ok, because everyone else is anyway, I can consider your feelings and let you go, but I'm in such such a rush, I don't mean to cause a fuss, I just can't wait to take things so slow, and so I wait for you to go, I am a coward, but I lie, when I said you once made me cry, that was just another little lie, I am the only one who can make me cry, but I don't mind, say what you like, to each favourite friend, it was only the way I was feeling just at the time, and you were never honest with me anyway, so now say what you want to say, I know I go about things the wrong way, but that's just because I'm on my own today, it doesn't mean I'll always be feeling that way.
Hide from the feeling swelling up inside, block them out, go to a place were you can not be heard, and shout, at the top of your lungs, wake up the masses and the young one's, wake up the country that is so very tired, inject a passionate feeling of compassion and don't get talked down to in the big debate, for you know where you come from and where you're trying to go, is this still a united kingdom, I don't know? So let's shake a fist at the idea of monied bliss, I still empty with my balance is full, so buy buy buy, goodbye to my kingdom, I don't know, where I want to go or what I want to do, all my thoughts are dwelling on you, and I still don't know who you are, I lost you in the backseat of his car.
I never realised how much I demised you, until I left you alone. I never knew how much I loved you until you stayed at home, in the daylight, I said something I shouldn't have said, I didn't mean, a single thing, but now I'm dead, to you, and I know there'll be another you, but I wanted a lover who, would be stronger than me, I'm so weak, I hardly have the stomach to eat, but I brave the day, and when I see your stupid face, I'll smile and say "hey, how are you, it's been awhile." and you'll give me an icy stare, but at least you'll know I no longer care.
I'd like to drop to my knees, and repay a girl who only liked because she thought I was half japanese, she's so easy to please. I'd like you to drop to your knees, you've mistaken me for somebody, please don't ask why, seriously, I might go ahead and just cry.
Don't worry your little head of thin hair, else you'll find it ends up bare, please don't worry, to me it all seems so very funny, if no one can see that then just say, matter of factly, for you, to love, doesn't come so easily.
I've become incredibly confused, I have that feeling of being used, and my body lies alone, abusesd, on your words I have mused, and now I find myself desperately confused.
I am the last, in a rather long list, of those who you'd like to give a kiss, too shy, why I, would lay myself bare, smile as you stare, in front of the entire college class, and I'd cry if you'd only ask.
So now you go, to and fro, the headboard bangs, mattress spring pangs, squelching and wet, what is that noise, please no more toys, oh how i wish we'd never even met now.
I was hurt by the way you turned away, when I drew near, I couldn't understand your fear, but I had mine, and I felt like fear was such a waste of time. But still you go, so I walk slow, but fuck you to, I know people who, are so much better than you.
Of course, it's a matter of choice, but there's so little control over these things that we don't know.
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